she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
