I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
