I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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