i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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