Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
