He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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