I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
