Jerry, you need to find god
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
