I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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