Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
