Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize