there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
