Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
