drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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