college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
