life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
