I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize