My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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