Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
