i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
