dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I am morally bankrupt
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
