I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
