I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
