my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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