How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As shirtless as possible
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
