bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
