what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
