I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sober January is a disaster.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
