He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
