i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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