I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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