I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
