so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
