Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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