no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
