I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Two words: nipple clamps
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