I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize