He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
