I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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