words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
