john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
