I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
