Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
