but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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