Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
