Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
