She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
is it fun? or sober?
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