enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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