sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
