Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
