Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
