Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
