The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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