i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
