i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
