bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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