Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
