Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
