i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
