the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They have beer where we have blood.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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