I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
