WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
