His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
