we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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