he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
