I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
