it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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